As a little girl I was hilarious. I would impersonate different people, their ways of talking, walking and behaving. This made my parents and sister laugh their clothes off.
Thinking about it now, it must have been really funny to see a little girl pretending to be drunk, holding invisible pants falling down. That was my uncle's addiction with alcohol I was trying to make human. In a family born out of very strong and healthy roots he was the only one having lost it. Maybe he was the weakest. Maybe he decided to be so. The pain and hardship caused by his choice penetrated his daughters' subconscious deeply. It is indeed confusing to love someone who is there but not there.
I still am hilarious, if you didn't notice, but now it is different. Having spent some time in this life, bumping my head into walls, my humor is different. I know now that there is more to that.
In this 4th part of my exploration of the victim mindset, particularly in women, we are going to go around the world and meet some other hilarious women.
They stand up strong in their human weakness making their way out of the default mode by using language in that giggly way we all like. They transform dramatic, painful, soul crushing, unjust, bleeding thoughts and happenings into stories we want to listen and remember.
You got it, I am talking about stand up women comics. The background research which produced what you are about read has shaken me. I have been exorcised.
I tried to cover a wide cultural space and I succeeded. Also, I paid the most attention to the language, the way it is being use, the spectrum, the force, the depth. Language is the healing medium in humour.
First, let's take a little step back.
A pinch of history
According to me, the language of humour has an essential characteristic - freedom. I believe this is precisely the reason we laugh. We understand that the barriers can be surmounted.
In China they have something called Xiangschen- it literally means " face and voice". It it delivered in a fast style, rich of puns and allusions. Seems that the Beijing dialect is mostly used for xiangschen. Well, I couldn't tell the difference and I spend some years among Chinese people. The joke they liked the most was when I was slightly bending asking : how are you all doing down there?! They giggled laughing many little laughs.
In Japan they have Manzai and Rakugo. Manzai is a performance requiring two people, the straight man and the funny man. To create the tension I suppose. What are they doing ? They trade jokes at great speed. Japanese even at slow speed is a mystery to me but high speed jokes I find very interesting. Here is an example.
Rakugo is a one man show. This man is letting "words fall" into a story mold, I would say. He is taking different views creating dialogues between characters noticeable once he changes the pitch, tone and maybe moves his head. Want to see one?
Both styles seem to be still actual. People over there find them funny. Now, THAT is funny :)
In Italy, late 1800s and the second part of 1900s, there was Macchietta - a spoken caricature. It find the word itself very funny, it means little spot, little stain. Aren't we all a little more or a little less stained by life? Couldn't find an old Macchietta example to show you.
Modern humor is different in content. Women humor even more so.
Women humour is charged with anger, sorrow, old secrets, unspoken formless thoughts coming out like dead babies, oppression, encrusted wounds and blood. Women humour is the voice of all belittled spirits having had the misfortune, or the great opportunity (I stick to this view), to show up on Earth as women. It is a great opportunity because it brings newness , from inside that pain.
Stand up comedy is a very harsh environment for women, I got that clearly after having listened to lots of their voices.
This is the a personal categorization according to my interests.
1. Social/Political stand up - the language is strong, direct and related to events happening on the political and social arena. Women involved in this kind of discourse are drawing attention towards the injustice, inequality and the still present gap between genders.
You might have heard of Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, both royalty voices on the comic scene speaking up for women rights, work , equal payment, rape etc. In an interview Tina Fey talks about how women are still figuring it all out ..."whether or not they choose to put their thumbs in their panties on the cover of Maxim and judge each other back and forth on it. It's a complicated issue, and we didn't go much further on saying anything other than to say, 'Yeah, it's a complicated issue and we're all kind of figuring it out as we go.'
The issue is indeed complicated, but I ask myself why is it so? Because it is not enough for women to do work on themselves, we are missing the other half.
But, I would like to talk in more details about Sarah Silverman and Negin Farsad here.
Sarah Silverman has a Micky Mouse voice (to me) and suffers from depression, like many other comedians who treat themselves by speaking in public about it.
She is a Jew woman now, ex Jew girl raped by a doctor. She thinks that Jesus is cool ( the name of one of her shows) while I believe that this graceless rawness makes us laugh. Otherwise the confusion would kill. Sarah Silverman is a loud and courageous voice. You would't say that she suffers, which is the most deceiving characteristic of humour or courageous people. Her bitter sweet jokes refer to presidents, women in the entertainment industry, being a jew, bloody periods, anal sex, guns regulation. Whatever, she does't give a shit. She hit the road in America going to people's homes talking about Trump and the whole situation. The resulting documentary is I love you America. Here is an example. Love her.
Negin Farsad defines herself as a social justice comedian and she is indeed. An Iranian American Muslim Female, she wants us to note. Born in New Haven to Iranian parents and raised in Palm Springs she studied and studied and studied gaining master titles but in the end "...the trade-off is that I’m happier doing jokes."
Her TEDex Talk "A highly scientific taxonomy of haters" was watched by millions. Her voice talks about the tension created at the margins of cultures submerged in one space, one earth. It helps us relieve the tension. Referring to being a woman comedian she says : "we ladies have to constantly remind industry folk that we have experience. I feel like women are always reciting their résumés–not because they want to but because they have to."
2. Adjusting to womanhood stand up - the language is sharp, cutting through layers of silence , mental laziness and comfortable sleep.
I would like to present Iliza Schlesinger's voice here. Her themes revolve around but are not limited to : women wanting to be perfect mermaids, one night stands, dating and getting ready for it, women and their huge bags, wanting to be so skinny that your friends call the ambulance, high heels and what it does to and for women, rejection, singles wanting to get married, getting babies. From time to time she takes a moment and says things like : don't let anyone tell you that your body is wrong, you teach people to treat you by the way you treat yourself. Her presence on stage is strong, you could't pass by without noticing her. She uses her body and voice to create whole stories that you can see. Even though she jokes about the victim like behavior many women adhere to, she also says, it is your choice and you can be that if you want.
I definitely agree. Humour makes this revealing truth accessible.
3. Self deprecating - the jokes are sad pulling the wisdom of pain out of the depth of our souls. The language gives the sensation of a siringe inserted underneath the skin. Either to extract blood or to insert stuf.
Amy Schumer is one of the voices that you might have heard of. She is all over the place, in all regards. Her comedy is related to getting blackout drunk, screwing around with teenagers or men of all ages, dicks of all kinds, throwing up, some more screwing, women and how they treat other women. She is to be seen in movies, stand up shows . As of lately, she is impregnated joking her way out of it. And throwing up all along.
Listening to her is fun but according to me there is more than this. Essentially, her message is : being a woman is exhausting. That is why the slippery slope, that is why the "mistakes" and all the trowing up.
Give the women a break. Women, give women a break!
Hannah Gadsby is an Australian comedian, born somewhere where being lesbian was a crime and a heavy sin. That's why she went into studying the history of art, to see boobs. She is talking a lot about the pain of being a lesbian, being raped, bitten, about life inside a big, fat covered body. In 2006 Hannah won the Raw Comedy competition while serving all these facts and details. She has been around for years but her Netflix special Nanette made it official.
This show is heart breaking and it was done so on purpose.
4.Being lesbian
Hannah Gagsby could be included here but her discourse, as mention above, is centered on making the pain visible (by putting her self down she wants us to come closer and listen) whereas Ellen Degeneres and Tig Notaro would like us to know that they are lesbians and that's it.
Even though I am sure that they are not the only lesbian comics, I think they have the most load to carry. Not only are they women in crazy America but their lives are on the stage for all to see and express their opinions about. I immagine how difficult this can be. They have to fight a triple fight- to be women, to express themselves freely AND to let themselves be true to themselves- love other women. The meaning of their message is pointing towards all of us who are standing there shaking our heads. This is a call for all to see and listen.
If you haven't hear of them, you should check them out. Here is a joke by Tig, who survived cancer (both breasts cut off) a few years ago. She managed to get herself together and even made a show about it- the experience of being a lesbian in a now breast-less body must be shattering , mind blowing and courageous.
"I was on this call with this guy, and he goes, ‘All right. I don’t feel comfortable calling you this, but I’ll see you tonight, Pig.’ I was like, ‘Oh, to tell you the truth, I don’t feel real comfortable with you calling me a pig, either, because my name’s Tig,’ and he said, ‘Yeah, that’s what I said, Pig,’ and I said, ‘No, it’s Tig with a T,’ and he said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Tit,’ and eventually I said, ‘Yeah, that’s right. It’s Pig Tit."
Oh man, and she doesn't even have tits now.
5. Motherhood hell stand up - the choice of language here is incredible. Blood all over, own shit and baby's shit all over, breasts dripping, split-up pussies, brocken pussies etc. Motherhood is like an additional layer over the womanhood cake. It introduces new dimensions into the female experience. Bitter and sweet.
Ali Wong is an incredible mother. She has two daughters now and takes them everywhere she stands up. And she is everywhere. Her husband is also coming along since she became the main bread winner in the family. Yet again, the discharge of the anger and pain through comedy introduced by motherhood is making it possible to be a loving mother. I remember my mother's burst of anger. Since she didn't know how to manage it in a better way, it was us the children and the father who took the blows. I do understand it now completely. Motherhood disintegrates the world as you know it and suddenly you become responsable for the life of a fully dependent creature. Creatures who don't even let you know what exactly they want.
I remember her saying that she would like to be alone and live as she wanted, she wouldn't need a lot. But then she would look at us and become mother again. I remembered her wish and maybe my striving for independence to the extrem that now I need nothing and never ask for anything is related.
But, mothers develop a sixth sense. When I left starving Moldova (my situation) mother helped me. In a way, she sent me away because that would have saved me.
Jokes on motherhood also touch upon abortion which imply very delicate moral, religious and human aspects.
I can't move forward without mentioning Italy here, a culture where motherhood is the cherry on the cake. Italian women are caught between a strong, very strong motherhood presence, a romantic view of what it does to women (they suddenly become complete and round) and the outside world- the scary and harsh life where men make the rules. If you stay inside -you risk to have your life sucked out of you by your lovely children. If you step outside it means that you are low class and having things to offer for free to all those hungry men. That is tough. This confusion reflects in the reality I've lived while in Italy. I've met young women who have never been away on their own, who live with their parents while almost 30 working. They grow up into women calling themselves bambine or ragazze while 40 and breaking down once life strikes. And so men become again the Sündebocke. Did you notice we are going in circles here?
In the series Una madre imperfetta by Ivan Controneo, one of the actresses being Lucia Mascino, four mothers are trying to make being imperfect mothers OK. The main character is retelling in a video journal form her life as a mother, how perfectly some other mothers seem to be managing their kids,as if they are some kind of projects on a dead line. The language there is very mommy like, sometimes only angry, most of the time the tone is - well, that's me, I am not perfect.
I believe this series does good to Italian woman who don't know how to be- suffer in deep silence or fall into the other extreme- hysterical, angry and self destructive.
6. Angry women speak up - the language is raw, violent and opening up wounds others like to mildly ignore. Even though I know that there is a better way through, I also know that anger is a stronger, a better emotion. It leads to action which leads to change. In this case, an angry discourse leads to relief.
For how long though? I ask myself. How long is this going to work if all these women go home and fall back into old patterns ?
Velia Lalli is one of the Italian women who sticks her head out and speaks about her marvelous experience. In fact it seems that she doesn't have competition. When asked about her "strange" choice of career she says that she come to a point when she asked herself, what would I do if, just maybe, the world would be this ideal place where everyone would be doing what they wanted ?
Standing up and speaking her anger was the answer.
Remember, this is Italy, a place where you are either : a good girl forever, a mother, an intellectual on the second PhD not knowing how to use a knife, a prostitute. So, Velia was indeed courageous. In this interview she talks about how stand up still needs to be made know in Italy. In this interview, where they designate her as the Italian Bad Girl (HA!) she talks about the impression given that women do not want to change anything, casually retelling their life stories under oppression (HA!) among themselves. She thinks that a stronger discourse needs to be launched. Just what I've said, language is used to sting the bubble of confusion and let them see that in reality...there is not need to hide but use your mind. Being a pioneer in this field, this is what she says about the use of stand up : "La via per la guarigione. No, troppo “sturm und drang”. La possibilità di esprimere liberamente la mia personalità. Nemmeno, troppo autoreferenziale. L’occasione di elevare paranoie a riflessioni universali. See, vabbè, addirittura! La stand up è un modo di fare comicità, satira, in particolare… è insospettabilmente un mestiere! "
This is a good one from her.
Well, I was intrigued by the fact that Velia Lalli is considered a lonely wolf and looked into it. I found Clara Campi and Daniela Delle Foglie and some other smaller voices. Their discourse touches upon (very Italian) themes : the grandmother raising the girl, the grandmother asking them to be careful not to be raped while on the street, sexually abused by uncles and fathers.
Clara in special is talking about wanting to be "used" only and only for sex, nothing else, that is emotional attachment and work around the house. In this video she is clearly expressing the Italian dilemma : mother, work or prostitute.
Chelsea Handler is another angry and strong voice all the way from America. She is a star. But her anger is different. She doesn't give a shit. No dilemma there. Not one. She is extremely successful, American scale, and it seems that whenever the language gets rougher there are more ears listening.
I do not resonate with these voices entirely but I think they are important for certain audiences.
8.The situation- women talking about their quotidian bubbles. This is a lower energy area, in the sense that after the laugh nothing happens. That's it.
Taking into account their age (young) and the originating culture (India) the girls one can see in the series " The Queens of Comedy ", a stand up competition, it is understandable that the word vagina will make some in the audience blush. These girls are courageous indeed. In India, where being a girl is a bad idea to start with, having them talking about beauty, ugliness, fat, going to the gym, meeting boys, not getting married, being Muslim, learning and becoming engineers so as to save the whole family from hunger- well, that is a lot. One of them says: if you are born ugly better develop a character, go study, work abroad, come back and fix the situation.
I am sure this is not going to fix the real situation, it might bring more abundance and spare the younger sisters and brothers from hunger, but the situation is not going to change for real.
Russia- I looked into that as well, because something is wrong there. I got to know Russian women closely when modeling. I lived with them in the models apartment and let me tell you- it is like a snake nest in there. The intrigues and the hate towards each other is insane. Russian women hurt deeply. From a stand up point of view I found a TV show called Comedy Woman, very popular judging by the views they have. Well, this show is that kind of comedy that does nothing. It is simple low energy laughing. The laugh that shakes nothing. Women complaining about husbands, new lovers, getting drunk, getting old, getting wrinkles, kids getting drunk and into drugs, mothers' ruling over their empires and all that jazz .The audience seems to enjoy it. I imagine them standing up, getting into their fancy cars going home to sleep. Maybe one or two get bitten because how could they dress like that. And the next day the same.
But this is their story and they tell it as well as they can. Maybe the next generation will wake up seeing their mothers laughing to tears about painful stuff.
I believe in inclusion, in sincere and open communication leading towards resolution in both men and women. Now, when I joke with my colleagues they are laughing but also take a second look at me, did you just say that ? Yeah, you bet! Would you like to know why ?
If you should remember one thing from here, let it be this one : stories matter, it is important that we tell our stories kindly and contribute to the creation of an environment where conflicts don't lead to separation but to cooperation and communication. I think we are doing it little by little, but laughing about heavy stuff is just one of the steps.
Coming up next :I have to choose between two ideas. I did not cover yet all the aspects of victim hood in women but I feel that this forth part brought me to a clearing and I could step in a more pristine universe. Will see.
From Prague laughing out loud,
Victoria.
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