In Moldova we have a big elephant floating over the country. It is extending over our neighbours Ukraine and further on to the east all over Russia. This is a big fat elephant, it is about to burst open.
We live there with an erroneous conviction, the whole world all right, but in Moldova we address it in sanitized and close spaces as we are looking at a shameful and hideous disease carried around by women or we pretend all is fine. We don't speak about it unless it gets very obvious. We carry on and cry out to the sky; as if God is there where he has left human beings to reign, respect and love each other.
Yes it is a disease, but is it not of women. It is the disease of human nature.
In Moldova we rarely speak about domestic violence. We live in it.
Most of women live with the mentality of victims- those who must endure anything. Too many women accept violent, emotionally dead men who have no other ways to express themselves, to make their vampiric presence known if not through : cheating, alcoholism and mental + emotional + physical violence.
Women in Moldova, where I come from and share therefore a part of the programming, walk around caring heavy stones in their minds, in their hearts and they don't know how to let these our.
How? Where to start even? What words to use?
They simply accept living with terror as if were their Destiny. I know my grandmother did, i know my mother thinks like this to a certain extent as well. They accept mental violence and abusive behaviours as if- this is it, nothing to be done about it.
They know that human beings are not supposed to kill each other in the name of "love", they know instinctively that someone who cares for you will not treat you like that : scream, hit, violate any kind of personal boundaries, ignore and forget etc - but they stay silent and endure.
The programming did not find fertile soil in me.
Any kind of violence to me, ignorance being a form of violence - is simply repealing me. It turns me in something else, into a worrier. I do not back away, I feel the urge to step in and fight.
I feel the urge to smash it into microscopic pieces which will dissipate forever...
Would this turn me in one of them ? Would this make me a black worrier ?
I don't know but I feel anger when I think that someone is that stupid as to think that by hitting someone they become great. So damaged and so insecure as to go and take that energy by inflicting pain on someone. On someone who stays and accepts, I know.
Do not serve the lie. It it enough to start thinking and believing that you deserve better.
You do deserve the truth in life.
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