I love my sister dearly.
Besides my parents who have no other choice but to accept and say to themselves - we did do this! - she is the only person who really tries to understand.
There were moments when we fell apart because life is just so, it develops in so many directions through us, that we sometimes wake up looking around and we see that we are far away.
What did my sister teach me? Well, let me tell you about it.
My sister is a gentle woman.
She is quietly strong and beautiful in the way she treats people. Even if sometimes we leaned on each other too much and I had to step back to learn and become stronger, we are still the little girls reading stories to each other, the girls having only each other to play with, somewhere in Moldova where having toys was a thing for rich people. We made our own toys and games and we spoke to each other, we cried for the cat dying in front of our eyes and we run through snow laughing...
My sister read stories to me when I could not read yet and took me where I otherwise could not go. Together with my father who was the Ur- storyteller, she taught me to dream, to imagine and to use my mind and learn.
I showed her my first written word - such a triumph that I still remember the sensation of -I can do it too!
I did want to be like her :)
She showed me that one can be a person and love someone else and have a separate life but still return to the base.
I tend to dissipate in thin air and dream or get so caught on something that I forget about myself, the world or anything else.
She went to places, internally, I do not know and came out a different person, a more fluid person because she had to break and put herself back together.
She had to separate from people who promised to be there but didn't. Hurtful experiences of losing everything but still she is going on. I do not know if she ever thought of giving up.
She finds her way though life in a gentle way, a consistent, at times frightened and scratchy way (to the emotional me) -but she is going on and this is a lesson I am always in amazement.
There is little holding her back and she goes into experiences body and soul.
Her dedication to a person and the ability to cheer them up and support them though what ever they want for themselves, is a lesson I am kind of watching from aside in amazement and saying to myself - holly molly!
I still want to be like that!
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