Why did I sleep on the floor for 3 years? Very good question! Thank you for asking imaginary friends :)
Well... I did it on purpose.
That was a scary decision. I am not going to pretend I was not afraid of so many things that could go wrong (and some did) but the desire and the rather acute need to know myself was extremely strong.
Life did not feel right because I was not yet strongly grounded within myself.
I called this jump into the unknown The journey within and now I can add and beyond. When we realize that the world around us is a reflection of the being inside (mind +soul + heart) the relationship we have with ourselves (thus the world) will change completely. It will be a loving relationship all around, not destructive, painful and intoxicated as it is now.
These were my desires when starting this journey. I wanted to :
-know who I am when alone and with very little resources
-know what I can do by myself in very normal life conditions
-learn to stay still and access the power of my being
-train my perseverance and resistance
-concentrate completely on creating a joyful living experience
-change in consciousness and point of attraction
-recreate my femininity
-understand pain and the message it brings
-learn to take care of myself
-live in truth and not fear
-heal and learn to love my physical presence
-bring love and clarity into the world (through myself)
Here are a few photos from that time:
Going inside to look for your truth, your voice and listening to it screaming, crying, laughing at you- this is scary.
Listening to your fear, pain, desires, needs, hurts, joys, your humanity, your past experiences and the conditioning we all go though is also a "crazy" thing to do and essential in order to live.
I walked and ran hundreds of kilometers by now, read hundreds of books and went through periods of high creativity and also lows, when I felt like a stone at the bottom of the ocean. Heavy and a prisoner of my own.
I still have to confront all these voices, the negativity and fear... but now, now I am grounded into myself and I can observe and choose.
When my back gave up the sharp pain gave me another lesson - take care of yourself first, the spirit living inside yourself needs your attention and love.
Even as a small girl in Republic of Moldova, I had this instinct in me saying that we can change the world, change the sad reality in Moldova for example, if only we ourselves become better - aware of the possibilities, aware of the way to get there.
Open to help from outside and open to look inside. We do not do that in Moldova.
The journey did not stop, I suspect it is only starting! Would better living conditions stop me ? I think so.
I need to be as close to the bottom and find out ways to learn and get out of it.
All these years might have been just in preparation for it.
What can I say now?
Peace
if the feeling you have inside is peace, no matter what is happening outside - this is the best place you can be. Ever.
The world
the world needs people who are sincere, based on integrity and courageous. Courageous to look the darkness straight in the eyes. To see it and listen to it, if embracing it is too much or harmful. These are people who are having skin in the game and they use their soul to heal themselves and the world.
Our parents
they did what they knew and could- love them for that and show them yourself, teach them how to treat you respectfully, lovingly.
Our partners- children-friends
they are also developing and they need space to do so- love them for that, they need someone to encourage and support them. Sometimes a small word or encouragement makes the world for someone.
Health
essential. Our body is the transmitter and the container of emotions, thoughts- of our being. If this container is not take care of or misused- we receive completely false messages. Do what you can to be healthy.
We can do this together
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